back to the back end…

By amy ~ September 18th, 2017 @ 10:06 am No Comments »

And as the calm descends and the routine returns after the excitement of FrightFest, the next few weeks are shaping up nicely if no less expensively with gigs, films, spa days, a beer festival and lots of general opportunities for fun stuff. Just in time for the darker evenings creeping up on us and the onset of autumn proper; the temperature here in Scarborough at least is dropping fast from fine-with-jumper to definitely-coat and the much-enjoyed annual two or three days of warmth are long forgotten, although the sun is well and truly out today (obviously, since I’m stuck inside waiting for UPS after an early doors dentist appointment).

A few changes to the usual October routine; my trip to Celluloid Screams in Sheffield will be replaced by a foray over to Grimmfest in Manchester earlier in the month (I know I said I’d never return after the rage-inducing lack of mobile phone policing and consequent Diwali-like film watching experience, but doing an evening and one full day is the compromise), which segues in neatly just prior to my first return to Pimlico in six months or so on the Sunday – yay! Another crack at South Shields for Scarborough Athletic in the FA Trophy fixture divides the weekend nicely, although I’ll be speeding through the packing on the Saturday morning and have already mentally prepared for the vital components I’m likely to forget this time; usually wetwipes or shampoo but on one memorable occasion underwear, necessitating an emergency dash to Primark (in Liverpool, I think).

It does mean almost a full week away from Scarborough, but bar an unexpected extra London trip in November following a train ticket purchasing fail (both visits will be from the 8th to 11th of the month, so joining the dots there probably not too difficult) I will be settling in comfortably for the autumn months with little interruption after this next weekend; the coming Friday will be cut short as I head off to Brixton to bounce about a bit to Sleaford Mods after lunch (much as I did for the Pixies some ten months ago), Saturday will be spent catching up with non-work London now that the schools are back including (hopefully) a trip to visit the blue whale at the NHM followed up with a pot of tea and an as-elegant-as-I-can-muster (ie not terribly, but I’ll stick some Chanel jewellery on and try to look imperious) waft through the Balenciagas at the V&A over the road. Next Monday’s kick off will be delayed thanks to a last minute spa trip on the Sunday which – ably assisted by my lovely friend Kimberly C who I haven’t seen for aaages – should result in some new pictures too! No guarantees, since past experiences of spa days have shown me that purposeful activity at any level beyond staying awake is challenging enough, but I’ll do my best and in the meantime, here’s one from (gasp) Right Now!

Unadorned photos taken an hour after a tooth extraction don’t scare me, if for no reason other than that it can only get better (and also because the folk amongst us looking only for prices and porn pics won’t be reading) but I do promise to make more of an effort for the proper ones, possibly even employing a hairbrush. Plus I can show off my new glasses – after stubbornly hanging onto my beloved Prada curly frames until they started to fall off and I was two prescriptions to the worse, the world is now effectively in HD. This may or may not turn out to be a good thing.

Over in I-can’t-believe-I-need-to-post-this corner following a baffling email this week from somebody I’ve met previously (so should thus really have more sense) and for clarification purposes, a word on discounts. The slight reduction for daytime incalls here in Scarborough apparently isn’t enough for some people, but it’s as good as you’re going to get and asking for a cheaper rate still because you have to buy a train ticket/take a half day off work/sell your worldly possessions to see me and therefore think I will be falling over myself to make a financial contribution towards your expensive habits is not only futile but will make you look like a monumental cunt. Yes, I know I will miss out on your company and that of your penis as a result. I can live with it.

Lecture over. To celebrate my upcoming Friday night out and provide a link to last time since Moptop‘s subject is none other than Boris Johnson, here we are in the kitchen with the Sleaford Mods for Song of the Week. I have no idea what people under forty make of the lads, but they’ll do for me.

More soon!

the good, the bad and the sleepy…

By amy ~ August 31st, 2017 @ 7:19 pm No Comments »

And it’s all over for another year! FrightFest, that is.

Judging by the amount of money spent, food put away and sleep missed it’s probably just as well although there was much to enjoy even without the films – a celestially good and desirably bourbon-laced vanilla hardshake from Byron (even though I hold it responsible for my sleeping through lack of attention during the Spanish thriller I had wanted to see afterwards), a couple of cheerful early morning runs before the temperature got too close to 30 degrees and which included a lap of St James’s Park in the opposite direction to Boris Johnson, who looked significantly more hot and uncomfortable than I was even at half past seven in the morning.

I also have a new favourite Kings Cross breakfast spot in German Gymnasium, whose beautifully peaceful interior combined with the provision of huge dollops of cheesy mash with sauerkraut, ham and fried egg at early doors deserves not only an award but possibly its own Bank Holiday. The ladies toilets alone are nicer than my flat (as pictured along with the aforementioned Black Forest Bake which also – predictably – put me comfortably to sleep during Seuls (Alone), a spectacularly dull and threadbare lump of French/Belgian sci-fi filler which was bunging up the post lunch slot on the Friday) and I’ll be back at a later hour for some unpronounceable sausagey stuff as soon as is humanly possible.

Of the films, I can recommend Lowlife, The Bar and obviously Meatball Machine Kodoku even if I’m still none the wiser regarding what it was about three days after having seen it than I was three days before, despite this time actually managing to remain awake throughout. The Empire IMAX screen is stupendously (and entirely appropriately) gigantic, the air conditioning is best described as a blunt instrument and there were STILL people queuing to get into the Leicester Square Lego store every time I passed it during opening times. Best of all, an unexpected new pal was made following a director’s giveaway of props from his short film; ‘Bear 33/52’ had a supporting role in Teddy Bear’s Picnic, apparently did his own stunts (winding up a bit on the scorched side) and will be accompanying me on future trips after proving himself an ideal travel buddy on the journey home, maintaining a kindly yet purposeful air, taking up virtually no seat space and saying absolutely nothing whatsoever. Perfect.

Back in the real world and with school holidays ending next week and hopefully no more flash floods, falling masonry or parking space fuckery (I’ll tell you when I see you) I am settled back in Scarborough for the duration; the duration being roughly six weeks when I’ll be off to my favourite corner of Pimlico for some nice quiet R&R and hopefully also some F, at least for a couple of days. Details will follow soon – and a pre-Christmas return to Victoria is also in the planning stages! Celluloid Screams in Sheffield also beckons towards the end of October, and any potential availability there will be decided when the programme is released in a weeks’ time. Any (admittedly unlikely) repeat of Seuls is a shoe in for a skive, that much is a given.

In honour of the German Gymnasium and the unparalleled joys of early morning cheesy sauerkraut mash, who better for Song Of The Week than Kraftwerk! Also to gently remind a friend of mine that whilst undoubtedly fantastic, Aphex Twin who I’ll pick next time for anybody who hasn’t seen the Windowlicker video for a bit did not suddenly invent electronica in the early 90’s. And Brian Eno isn’t German.

More soon! Maybe summer will come back.

the boys are back in town!

By amy ~ July 29th, 2017 @ 7:59 pm No Comments »

That is, the boys (or rather the players, since I always endeavour to be fair and the casual referring to of adult women as ‘girls’ gives me the fucking rage) of Scarborough Athletic FC, whose first home game in Scarborough in ten years or so finally happened on the 15th of July – yay! The huge free T-shirts and superior pies more than made up for the PA system breaking down and being unable to play the title song and also the result, not that anybody who was there let that spoil the occasion. A fine day was had by all, even if I managed to pick the coldest, windiest corner of the ground from which to spectate – with an attendance of 2038 there wasn’t a lot of room to spare.

So no more Saturday afternoon bus rides to Bridlington and back, which is good news for anybody who’s previously tried to prebook a Saturday incall and been thwarted by the fixtures list. Another few weeks have whizzed past not that the weather has been told, but it’s definitely supposed to be summer (a situation unlikely to be improved by the onset of the school summer holidays, but now at least the leisure centre swimming pool is offering a bit more choice for those who might like a swim of a daytime) and thankfully Wimbledon is long gone which means my London trip is approaching fast – both of them, in fact!

In my haste to get back amongst it (not least because the RA’s Summer Exhibition is closing soon and I haven’t been yet) I forgot that I’m heading back down for FrightFest nary a week after I get back; having regretfully skipped Somerset House and the outdoor cinema this year my usual August plans were all to cock (so to speak) and whilst in a work context that would be a good thing, in terms of organising real life it’ll mean a fair old rush about for the interim week when I’m at home. The day or days immediately following a busy trip away would normally be spent continuing my quest to rewatch The Sopranos from beginning to end and eating pikelets with golden syrup taking a little quiet time to catch up with the jobs at home, but since I’ll be wiping out almost the entire latter half of the month Scarborough-wise I’ve vowed to show willing for the few days I’m back, so locals please fear not – it’ll be business as usual!

I can recuperate over the five days I’ll be spending in my shiny Leicester Square cinema seat enjoying the likes of Meatball Machine Kodoku, the latest considered, thoughtful study in understatement and restraint by the folk who brought us Tokyo Gore Police and Helldriver. Hmmm.

Anybody interested in finding out more (and who wouldn’t) can find out all about it via the FrightFest site! Needless to say I won’t be taking bookings before or after MMK – I may nip back to the hotel for a shower and possibly a sedative. All the upcoming awaydays I currently know about are on the next page now, so any forward planning may commence; future dates for Pimlico and Waterloo are also in the organising stages too and will be added directly. It’ll soon be Christmas…

All of the above begins in a couple of weeks time (just after Scarborough’s first league game against Hyde) and things can pootle along here in the meantime with the odd summery interjection – the trip to the Harbour Bar pictured above for starters, which immediately followed the Golden Grid next door and rounded off a not-terribly-punishing day on the seafront. The ongoing routine of regular gym and pool visits at the new Scarborough Sports Village is ensuring that even battered fish with chips, peas and a sundae are barely registering and the keen eyed will have noticed that my dress and bra size have both dropped a bit – I’ve updated ads accordingly but not yet got to all of them and whilst the pictures aren’t inaccurate as such, do expect somebody slightly leaner until I get some new ones up/visit the Golden Grid a few more times.

I had little choice other than to notice a couple of weeks ago when my knickers started to fall down on my way over Valley Bridge. A very hasty diversion to Marks & Spencer was embarked upon, although not before an even hastier dash to the flat (whilst pretending none-too-convincingly to clutch my handbag to my hip) where I was able to take them off. On the plus side, I can now get into my 1996 summer dress from TopShop, which I’ve got close to putting in the charity shop bag every single year and never did because I loved it so much. Now I just need a way to lose twenty years too, unless I team it with a cardigan and some sensible flats. Happy days.

Song of the week probably ought to have been the title track especially when we missed out on it at football, but since I was listening to the classic below at exactly the point I noticed I was losing my underwear (and not withstanding it being one of my favourite songs of all time) we’re having The Clash instead. So now we know that women only have to hear the late Joe Strummer’s voice and their knickers fall off, which might be a new one on some. Not me, mind.

More soon! And at the time of writing, even the sun has come out.


By amy ~ June 25th, 2017 @ 4:50 pm No Comments »

I don’t write much about work here. Not because it’s so incredibly dull or (conversely) incredibly exciting, but because like most people I spend enough of my time doing my job for it not to be a terribly interesting prospect to spend any part of the remaining time thinking about it, and that includes things to write about it. Adults know what shagging is, and for those that don’t it’s not as if there’s a shortage of places online to find out. And for free!

Having already whinged relatively recently about the cult of bad timekeeping I certainly have no desire to do so again; I’m extremely well paid for putting up with the irritating but unavoidable entitled crap that’s part and parcel of anything which involves dealing with the public, and by and large my job is just like most people’s – sometimes great, sometimes horrendous and the vast, vast majority of the time completely unremarkable which frankly is just the way I want it. What it also means is that I can be easily distracted and waylaid by new and exciting things and forget to do my blog for ages. Sorry!

This last month has included my first ever visit to an IKEA shop, which left me exhausted, stuffed to bursting point with meatballs and apple cake (plus a free hot dog that I won on the way out) and a couple of hundred quid lighter to boot despite only intending to buy a shoe rack, two picture frames and some anti-slip rug mesh – the little KEX alphabet biscuits shown above didn’t stand a chance. Anybody who has ever wondered what Disneyland for adults would be like need search no further, although I guarantee a great deal of searching once you’ve finished deciding which of the pleasingly utilitarian and cheery-looking little 50p bowls and cups to take home and have to find the flat packs you ordered.

I’ve recently signed up for our huge and shiny new sports centre too after going along for a nose at what Scarborough’s new football ground is like (and see below), which will be taking up a fair bit of my time not least with splashing about in the new pool – 1km swum this very lunchtime! There may be a shuffling of hours, but nothing is cast in stone yet and the only current effect on work is likely to be a bit of whinginess and ouching the day after the kettlebells class. I still haven’t set foot in the gym yet, but can report (based on information received) that apparently the treadmills have TV.

There has also been some industrious planning of my upcoming schedule to make good use of the ample free time that self employment in a sector without fixed hours affords me, and the start of Summer always seems to be the time the rest of the year begins falling into place. So far we have FrightFest in August as ever (programme announced this Friday!), a possible trip to Scotland (with a bit of time for punters too) and a definite return to Brixton for Sleaford Mods in September, as well as embryonic plans to catch Nick Cave in Berlin in October. Gosh.

More pertinently I’ve almost (almost!) finished the current stage of the DIY at home and even managed a handful of new photos which will be up directly – yay! There will be more while the light days continue and now I’ve figured out both the phone camera settings so I promise to keep them coming at least until the wintertime. Plus it’s now almost a month since the last mad dash to London and I’m trying in vain to get the next one organised, only to be thwarted time after time by the £400+ per night hotel prices at any civilised venue with functioning aircon. Fuck you, Wimbledon.

Warm weather makes for laziness which I should be at least a little contrite and apologetic about, in terms of lack of short notice availability on days when it really was too hot to go out (for no reason other than that I was lying on the couch in my pants watching Netflix and eating homemade ice lollies – thank you again IKEA). But for practical purposes, those ringing who want a booking in the next hour, say so when I pick up the phone! Asking me in an uncertain tone whether I’m ‘working today’ when what you really mean is ‘how quickly can you be ready because I want to book asap?’ just wastes time that I could have spent putting on my flipflops and heading into town so that you can do exactly that. Everybody gets what they want!

Song of the week ought maybe to be song of the month, but after an exercise in nostalgia earlier in the week when I found another pile of vinyl records in a box we have a summertime classic from the mighty Guns N’ Roses – I still have the Appetite For Destruction LP with the original cover art and it’s not in bad shape for a thirty year old record. I thankfully no longer have the bandanna, studded wristband and bullet belt* I was (probably) wearing when I bought it on another hot day but in 1987. The shame.

More soon. Definitely.

* the truth is that if I had them, I’d likely be wearing them right now

Further Reading

back to the back end…

the good, the bad and the sleepy…

the boys are back in town!


may day!

a few quick words about…

i’m worth a million in prizes…

spring! (fingers crossed)

forty four!

it’s 2017!

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