As far as the rest are concerned, I am officially on Christmas downturn, at least until my brain has recovered, if not the rest of me – most regular readers will know that London is my enduring favourite regular trip (and a spanking-new pied à terre doesn’t hurt, particularly when as clean, comfortable and well appointed as my latest pick turned out to be) but I am as human as anybody else and by Thursday I was definitely flagging a bit, even after being spoilt rotten with lovely dinners, presents and the usual attention and fuss for three and a half days; it has to be said that the joyous discovery of Ben’s Cookies on Oxford Street didn’t hurt either.

I did get the opportunity to make some delightful new friends both human and piscine, having finally had time to visit the London Aquarium before I left (and see below, unless you are reading this on Adultwork where displaying pictures of animals is prohibited, so you will have to take my word for it). The gentle, peaceful and dimly-lit atmosphere amongst the contented ocean and river-dwellers on Thursday morning turned out to be just the thing to counter both the weeks’ exertions and the fast-dropping temperatures outside, and my gut instinct to head for home at lunchtime turned out to be the right one as the snow began falling that very afternoon – I was reliably informed the following day that the city was slowly grinding to halt once again (early reports of drifts reaching up to two inches remain unconfirmed. Bless). Upon alighting in Scarborough at tea-time (having had the nous to don my lovely new snowboots on the train, although this was less to do with a killer instinct for predicting the future and more because I was sick to death of carrying them) the weather had got here first, and my plans for a relaxing stroll home from the station and getting a little fresh air along the way were scuppered by it being, well, far too bloody cold.

After one night back in my own bed (which some of you will be familiar with, after all!) the task was then to find plentiful warm enough clothing to stand outside for slightly over an hour on Friday; the 17th of December is International End Violence Against Sex Workers Day and along with a few others I piled on the layers (tights-thermals-leggings-jeans-bigsocks-boots) and headed for Bradford where we held a vigil with candles (thank God for Wilkos), leaflets and the red umbrellas of the IUSW – I am very happy to say that the overriding response was friendly and positive, and members of the local community and clergy came along to help out too. I was also extremely flattered to have the opportunity to make my train money back despite looking like an Eskimo (thanks to an enthusiastic local punter) but politely declined in favour of hot chocolate at a nearby Starbucks; the trial of Stephen Griffiths, the man accused of murdering three women working as prostitutes in Bradford last year (and whom is now apparently being connected with other unsolved incidents, although whether this is based on actual evidence or just convenient scapegoating remains to be seen) begins in the New Year. Changes to the UK statutes which would help prevent this happening again (and see also Ipswich) – no sign as yet.

The weekend has brought some worthy diversions in both punter and non-punter form (the latter sponsored largely by the good folk at the Ossett Brewery on Saturday evening, when I managed a rare night out with friends for pre-Christmas gossip-and) and whilst I cannot honestly claim to be right back on the ball yet I am defnitely recovering and planning a trip through the fresh snow outside to the gym, where the spa and sauna is beckoning and calming atmosphere, hot showers and clean towels are all plentiful – the latter part of this evening is to be taken up with the very enjoyable task of menu planning for the coming festivities, digging out ovenware and making a (boooo) Housework List.

Thank you to everybody who has sent their best wishes and E-cards too (I have had three up to now, and am hoping that I have sent the same number in return, although being desperately untechy I’m not entirely sure). Anyone wanting to make arrangements for next week please do get in touch; I will be updating before then but in the meantime, keep warm everybody (and if you need any help, you know where I am!)

Having been back in Scarborough now for three days, I have had time to relax, decompress a little, treat myself to two nice (noon+) lies-in for the first time in nearly a week (although the 5am start on Monday morning in order to catch the train was a new record, given that it is not unknown for me to still be, if not technically ‘up’, certainly awake at this time) and catch up with a couple of my lovely local gentlemen, one of whom has been feeling sadly, but perhaps understandably a little hard done by, since I always seem to be on my travels when the opportunity for an afternoon dalliance comes up – sorry (again)! I promise I have not forgotten everybody here, but as much as I know I bang on about it, my awaydays are always advertised very well in advance and are not hard to find, plus my short notice availability is generally zero even when I am at home and in all fairness, it’s not as if I make any secret of that, either!

I have spent a pleasant and homely morning today pottering about and tidying up with builders tea and bacon and egg sandwich in hand; my very forgiving houseplants have been diligently wiped down, misted and thoroughly watered in preparation for the darker days ahead, and I am brushing up on my last-minute punter directions for the days when I am having to explain the route to my door to visitors in the low light. Having had to do this for the first time in as long as I can remember just over a week ago (and with apologies to the unsuspecting gentleman concerned, we got there in the end etc) it is definitely time I had some practice for when the sky is resolutely pitch black from 4pm until mid-morning the following day, and that time is not too far away. The clocks are going back soon and winter (which I like, although not as much as autumn) will be upon us before we know it.

Since I rarely work in the evenings, much to the astonishment of the gentleman who rang last night at eight pm and eventually offered me double my fee (incredulous that even this did not tempt me in the slightest to extract myself from my cosy dressing gown, shower, dress, and traipse out into the cold to meet a complete stranger rather then remain curled up on the big settee, happily trying out my new nose-pore-cleaning-strips, eating cheesy Wotsits and watching the X Factor) and it has been mostly light until six o’clockish when I am ordinarily done for the day, I have neglected to keep my hand in here so after-work newbies, do bear with me! In other transport news, the engineering works between Scarborough and York have now started with a vengeance, so anyone visiting by train needs to check and double-check replacement buses and whatnot (and speaking personally, my panic about reaching York in time to catch my London train Wednesday week has now reached the sort of wild-eyed, heart-racing level where I may well throw in the towel altogether and book a taxi).

Speaking of London, there are a very few appointments left; Wednesday 20th and Saturday 23rd are fully booked, likewise most of Thursday 21st – I fully expect to be completely spoken for by this time next week, and strongly suggest folk get their typing heads on and their requests in soon! I am factoring in time for a long-awaited visit to the nearby Aquarium (and am quite prepared to feel humbled when comparing the fabulous displays with my own little resident companions and their mini-ecosystems in my living room) as well a trip to the RA for Treasures from Budapest and catching up with a couple of lady friends, so decent notice is imperative; I will not be spending my scant free time draped along the window ledge in my trollies waiting to be summoned – sorry! So much of London, so little time…

New pics soon too – promise. You don’t think I’ll be setting foot outside in this, do you?

Since my lamb chops will be another few minutes, I will also point to another couple of recent changes on the site which I have previously forgotten to mention; some may have already noticed that I am no longer offering half hour appointments and instead my minimum booking time will be 45 minutes at £100, an agreeable duration which suits many (including me) and has already shown a marked increase in popularity – not least, methinks, because it fits nicely inside one hour and even though still a short appointment, seems to have a Kryptonite-like effect on the people who think the offering of these means I operate according to the same principles as a drop-in centre. A blessed relief indeed, although since the number of half hour meetings I have actually had take place in the last twelve months can be counted on one hand, the only practical difference will be that hopefully I will not be wasting more of my or anyone else’s time on pointless phone calls, and those desiring a quickie should not have any trouble finding one.

And finally whilst we’re here, a charming article I saw the other day from Michael Bywater in the Independent, for all those who have ever contacted me worrying about their (to them at least) advancing age. Believe it or not, I have heard this from gentlemen between the ages of forty one up to seventy five; the two octogenarians I have met on several occasions never bothered and, I am guessing, decided that if you’ve successfully made to eighty plus and are still keen for a nice roll in the hay with a lovely lady you deserve to have a good time, and quite right too! A fitting redressing of the balance, and moreover, a delightful antidote to the shrill and tiresome Z-list-Dorothy-Parker-with-Tourettes bleatings of Kathy Lette et al. Enjoy.

Having had my evening appointment regrettably cancelled (probably just as well given the dumpling-fest), I have been checking online listings and am planning a walk across town to the pictures. The Crazies is currently (and somewhat regrettably since I have never to date seen a poor showing from Ben Kingsley, including his cameo in my second-ever-favourite Sopranos episode) beating my first choice of Shutter Island purely by virtue of starting within the next hour and a half, and as those longer standing readers will already be aware, I have always been of the unshakable belief that you can’t go far wrong with frenzied zombie rednecks (in the celluloid sense obviously; those seeking the real thing would be best advised to attend the first day of the sales at the Sunderland branch of Primark).

As those of you arriving here by the traditional route may well have already seen, yesterday was spent meticulously cropping, resizing and uploading and my lovely new pictures have started appearing on the Gallery page, albeit after a couple of false starts. I will never be techy and finally crawled from my chair some three hours after starting with searing backache, a spinning head and eyes like Scotch eggs,  but needless to say I hope they prove popular and equally that I have not inadvertently removed too many favourites. More will be following soon when I have time, energy and slightly embarrassingly, some clothes to put on for a change (any suggestions welcome, since I am becoming aware my penchant for wandering about joyfully unfettered is beginning to take over a bit). New ‘outdoorsy’ ones will also be following as the weather improves, and improving it is; my journey here included my first sight this year of lambs, primroses and the unarguable sign that summer is approaching, an optimistic-looking family of holidaymakers alighting at Scarborough station sans flasks and waterproofs.

In terms of Easter availability; I will be back in Scarborough for incalls on Wednesday 31st although availability is shrinking, and Thursday likewise. Friday and Saturday are already booked. Sunday, in all honesty, is as yet undecided (the possibility of being presented with things bearing the codewords ‘Green and Black’s’ will certainly affect the process). As ever, as much notice as possible please and to the intrepid travellers amongst you, please do keep in mind that it is Bank Holiday, Easter and school holidays all at once and thus the chances are that driving and parking situations are likely to be, well, fraught.

London? Unless you wish to visit on Thursday 8th – sorry.

Demand for this visit has been such that I am, however, in the process of compiling a standby list for the other days – if you have a preferred time  in mind and wish to contact me (or be contacted) in the event of cancellation then please do get in touch wth details. To all other idle readers, have a very happy Easter! (and for those who were wondering, Scottish updates hopefully to follow soon…)

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