Current news from Cow-Watch, we have passed several fields of ordinary looking beasties minding their own business but no rugged Highland types as yet – at the time of writing there is another two hours plus yet, to be fair, and ever the optimist I will be poised with BlackBerry camera at the ready. Adultwork readers will have to content themselves with a black square or similar as per the site rules, which saw even poor Chubby Chops mercilessly censored last week after I forgot them. The sun is shining and all being well, I will be enjoying the Highlands both with company and without until Thursday morning – yay!

My long-awaited weekend in Edinburgh has been as much fun as always, and I managed to squeeze in the requisite Yo Sushi visit (natch) plus some fabulous Thai food with a pal on Saturday evening, a leisurely stroll down to the modern art gallery (where I was unexpectedly delighted to find an exhibition featuring longtime favourite Jeff Koons – one of my best impromptu coincidences in a while) and rounded the trip off with a bus ride out to Leith for a soothing massage at Pure and a look at the Royal Yacht Britannia. This in addition to some very charming gentleman company including a couple of blasts from the past (and more than one first-hurdle-faller; the iron-stomached may like to browse the AW ‘escort’ profile of one particular optimist if visiting, for possibly the most mindbogglingly repellent attempt at Impressing The Laydeez yet to be committed to cyberspace – I’ll leave the details of our brief communication for readers to enjoy speculating on (and I won’t hammer the poor sod further by posting a link here) but suffice to say, fans of SAAFE’s legendary How Not To Book An Escort thread would not be disappointed and nor was I, although I don’t believe a suitable word is yet in use to describe what I actually was (I did my best).

Availability-wise, er, not much; despite the best efforts of the legions of AW I-know-it-says-to-email-but-I’ll-ring-anyway-because-she-probably-doesn’t-really-mean-it chancers I have only a handful of appointments left, and these are unlikely to last much beyond tomorrow allowing for time looking round, finding haggis and so forth. London is looking likewise – phew! Meanwhile back at the ranch, I am happy to announce that my Race For Life last sponsoring chance Special Offer Week will run from Monday 6th – Friday 10th June, and details will be posted on Saturday – this is our final opportunity to raise the sponsorship total as I will be sending it in shortly afterwards, so take note!

Further reportage from the Highlands later in the week. Back in That Scarborough on Friday…

Another gentle and calming week with plenty of visitors old and new, and for the first time in weeks, ten consecutive days have now gone by without me seeing the inside of a railway station! Instead I have (at various stages) been out in the lovely weather for coffee and gossip with friends, started some new knitting, got a (very little) bit more DIY done and even bounced on a bouncy castle. I have also managed to drop a hairdryer on my foot this morning (ouch) whilst preparing for a rare Sunday assignation, with a very pleasant new friend who was good enough to tell me that my Gallery was not working in Firefox and possibly has not been for a month – aaargh. It ought to be OK now, and I am told was fine in Internet Explorer (which I haven’t used in so long I’d forgotten it existed), but huge apologies to anybody who couldn’t work out where all the blessed photies had gone! Bollocks, as the saying goes…

Preparations are well underway for my trip to Edinburgh from Friday onwards, and I am hoping the current beautiful sunshine travels with me! Readers of a certain duration may remember my Aberdeen/Edinburgh visit last year a fortnight or so earlier, which resulted in improbably sunburned shoulders, a lesson in how to perfectly aim a desk fan at a hotel bed and a frantic trip to Accessorize for flipflops to try and offset the blistering heat – this year the plan is to either A: pack everything from sunglasses and bikini to snowboots (bearing in mind that I am also visiting Inverness), or B: to pack nothing bar the bare bones (stockings, Kindle, proper tea bags) and then paddle around the shops obtaining the necessities as needed. I like the second one, especially since Edinburgh also boasts a Harvey Nichols.

This week has also brought the highest yet number of oddballs, timewasting and otherwise for a considerable period, and for the first time in three years* I was compelled to actually send a visitor home from the parking place without admitting him. It may therefore be an opportune time to remind eager potential visitors that what may seem like a flippant, lighthearted (or God forbid, funny) off-the-cuff comment to you can make you sound by turns intimidating, juvenile or just plain weird to us, and all of those things either singularly or in combination are likely to lead to a wasted journey, including for the gentleman who had driven from York only to fall at the last hurdle and be turned around again. As ever, manners cost nothing (and reap plenty).

Along similar lines, I would also point out that whilst it is acceptable to be late (and we all know that travelling to Scarborough in good weather can be a logistical nightmare at the best of times) if you are going to be half an hour late you need to say so, and not tell me you will be here in ten minutes. By the time the gentleman in question arrived I had long since got changed and was about to go out. Conversely, please don’t ring me with twenty minutes to spare to announce your presence – I am generally ready two to five minutes before start time and be assured, the cast-iron, unfailing, 100% certain way to get me in a complete flap is to turn up early. If you want an appointment at ten minutes to two, say so and I’ll be ready – just don’t then turn up at twenty-to! There endeth the lesson, although I am beginning to think that a follow up post to the previous ‘newbie’ one from way back when could be on it’s way. Watch this space…

To this week – I will be in Scarborough until Thursday (which is limited for purposes of packing and fridge-emptying); Wednesday is already booked bar the evening and as ever, I will not be taking any short notice appointments or same day bookings after twelve, no matter how many times I have seen you or much money you offer me (sorry, lesson definitely endethed now!) In the meantime, and for those not watching on Adultwork – a new picture! Rest to follow when I have time, impatient Formspring folk and others…*the last one, three years or so ago, telephoned at half past three to inform me that he was in Scarborough ready for his half past six appointment and when told he could come back in an hour but not before, spent the intervening time ringing me from telephone boxes to tell me where he was at all times along the route to the landmark near my old place. Needless to say he was on his way back to Whitby with a flea in his ear well before half past six, and I was on my way to the pub.

I began the week with a day out in Leeds on the promise of a free lunch (I know there isn’t) from my ever-charming accountant (and the pinkly soft lamb cutlets at Restaurant Bar & Grill didn’t disappoint, although lunchtime ran out before pudding and I was compelled to head over to the nearby M&S for a iced bun fix after coffee) and with bookkeeping business completed and professionally tasteful gossip over I repaired immediately to Briggate’s flagship credit-card-worrier Harvey Nichols for a treat, whereby the heavens opened with a mighty thunderclap for the second time in two days and I was imprisoned within for exactly the length of time it took me to decide on a practical waterproof trench from Prada and briefly debate whether to celebrate with Act II of lunch in the Yo Sushi (I didn’t).

We have also seen, for now at least, the calling off of the Tube strikes – my London visit is filling up already and anybody keen to book may well be advised to get in soon! I am particularly looking forward to my new digs in NW1 having stayed there a couple of years ago, and I suspect the proximity to Kings Cross station will become even more of a plus by the time my usual Sunday afternoon dash for the train rolls around, given that the ‘with suitcase’ leg of the dash will now involve little more than crossing a road- yay! As for Scotland, I am taking appointments for Edinburgh and Inverness, although these trips tend to be notoriously last-minute affairs appointment-wise; I have never quite understood why the Scots leave it quite so late to make arrangements but the tide does seem to be turning, and keen would-be callers may be well advised to organise things at some point in the next couple of weeks, especially as I am planning a few excursions during my Inverness stay including a visit to Culloden, monster-hunting at the loch, coo-finding (with thanks to Amanda) as well as some good old-fashioned general fresh air and exercise.

Our current Race For Life total is £420! Thank you again to everybody who has mailed, commented and otherwise wished me well – I do intend to keep up the running (and following news that Laura Lee and others are taking part in the Glasgow event just days after I check out of Inverness I was almost tempted to take a detour and join in too, but six nights away from the fishes is more than enough to make them pine and sulk terribly without adding another three on) and whilst I haven’t completely written off the idea of a repeat sooner rather than later, I suspect I may wind up concentrating on my awaydays too much for the next weeks to even think about more training. Maybe even a marathon in a few years time; special mention this week must go to Lloyd Scott who finally crossed the finish line of the London Marathon yesterday after twenty six days of crawling through the various unpleasantness of the capital’s pavements in a nine foot Brian the Snail costume, and whom you may also remember for his comparatively rapid five day finish in 2002 dressed in an old fashioned deep sea diving suit complete with helmet. Only in England (which is one of the many reasons why I like it, another being that Mr Scott’s race times appear comfortingly achieveable, even for me).

Hopefully the £500 of my original aim is very much in sight – having had another look at the information provided by Cancer Research, this would be more than enough to fund (for example) four special cancer information nurses for a day each (£492), buy thousands of glass slides and Petri dishes for laboratory research (£10 for 300/£30 for 250 respectively) or cover eleven day’s running expenses for an important current lab project into a type of children’s cancer called rhabdomyosarcoma. This study aims to identify molecules that are involved in driving tumour growth, and this could lead to improved treatments so that more children survive the disease in the future. Every bit counts.

To this week, and I will be in Scarborough for the majority with a couple of exciting excursions planned – the skies may be dark but the new raincoat is at the ready! There does seem to have been an distinct upturn lately in rude/stupid/Can’t-Read-Won’t-Read enquiries, so please do note that my phone will now be switched off completely between nine pm (and I still won’t be answering calls much after six) and ten am – text messages sent between these times will be dealt with then and the only exceptions will be on those mornings when I am beginning appointments early. After taking a call this week from a gentleman who has actually met me not once but twice, and still regularly rings expecting to just turn up at some point in the next hour (or in twenty minutes time, in this particular instance which would have been interesting given that I was out doing my regular prossie-shop in Wilkos) I am getting heartily sick of it, and I strongly suspect that the days of my advertising a telephone number at all are numbered. Or one that’s switched on, anyway.

More news next week. I have guacamole, carrot and celery sticks (good), fig rolls (debatable) and chocolate milk (well, it is milk). It’s Saturday night, raining outside and the good ship Eurovision sails in under an hour. Despite all of my best intentions, I will undoubtedly be on it.

In fact technically I sort-of did it twice since it took me nearly an hour to walk back afterwards, whereupon the sun came (and remains) steadfastly out and blue skies abound, after two hours of pouring rain which even managed to wet through the £10 emergency taxi money I had stashed in my joggers in case I was unable to stagger the other 4k or so which would get me home from the Sea Life Centre. And to anybody who is interested, yes, I ran the whole way and never stopped once, and even managed a wave or two!

Joining in the semi-aquatic fundraising today were a Zumba club, assorted dogs in pink tutus (I have no idea whether dogs are exempted from the gender rule), several women jogging two-to-a-pushchair and lots of ladies in fairy wings and pink grass skirts – I settled for blessed relief that I chose capris to run in rather than my usual comfy sweatpants, which like every pair of full trousers I own are far too long although they would have at least aided other participants by soaking up all the standing water on the course, and then dragging along heavily behind me like that tiresome ex who hadn’t quite got the message. For those not familiar with the event, everybody gets an ‘I race for life for…‘ back sign to wear which can be dedicated to anyone they know and want to remember on the day; the rain did several of us another favour there since my glasses were such a mess I couldn’t read too many of these and there were plenty of other not-quite-dry eyes at the starting line. And we even got Free Stuff after (water, tea, biscuits, packs of Bodyform) so worth every soggy step.

The current Official Sponsorship Total is fast approaching £400, and special thanks to all of the extremely generous folk who have contributed so far! I have seven weeks to gather up as much as possible so all donations will still be gratefully received right up until after my London visit next month. For now, it’s sausage sandwich and hot bath time (sadly without Deep Heat, but I suspect my 3pm visitor will appreciate my not smelling like the rugby club changing rooms) and more than likely an early night. I hope to be able to move in the morning, but then I’ve always been an optimist…

Being all too aware that a call to the plumber either yesterday or today would have rendered my working every day of the Bank Holiday period completely pointless, and it really isn’t that cold provided one is adequately dressed (with my trusty old halogen heater dusted off and on duty for when one is not) I am waiting until tomorrow to do anything about it; the little pool of water discovered beneath the appliance last night is not growing beyond the occasional drip and I possess more than enough clothing to insulate myself should the weather take a sudden turn for the worse. The fishes, being a temperate species, are newly energised and have been taking advantage of the cooler conditions with a spot of aquascaping – no prizes for guessing who will be replanting all the nice new (and now floating) greenery when they tire of digging it up. At least the hot water is still working at the time of writing; if the worst happens the gym isn’t far away, and their shower facilities are almost as nice as mine (although not very practical for visitors, admittedly).

The last week has whizzed past in something of a blur; my whistlestop (but no less delightful for it, thanks to some especially charming company) trip to Heathrow allowed me time to catch up with some of my favourite London ladies and a long, happy Wednesday afternoon was spent eating tapas with the ever-lovely Catherine Stephens (a good choice, since the opportunities to fortify oneself at the Heathrow hotel in which I spent the night after a two hour journey across town and out to the terminals were limited for anyone not wanting to spend the price of a Bank Holiday plumbers call-out) followed by a just-as-happy Thursday afternoon at mine and Kinky La Rue’s newest fave Yo Sushi, where in between cackling and gossiping, and thanks to the Blue Monday special offer (all plates £2.30 – yay!) we managed to decimate the conveyor and wound up having to issue our demands to the very obliging chefs when the Hairy Prawns ran out.

As anyone might imagine, Central London was not the ideal location for anybody wishing to efficiently go about their business on Thursday last week and despite the temptation to hang about for another night, Kindle and I managed to find a corner in the vestibule of the standing-room-only 1819 to Newcastle and found ourselves gratefully home for half past nine. The futility of trying to avoid the shenanigans the next day became all too clear when attempting an all-morning lie in, only to be subjected to such blanket radio coverage that it was as easy to get up, have a bath and put on the television in the middle of the afternoon (as I have also done today but only because my favourite-ever prossie flick Breakfast At Tiffanys is on, I still have some Easter chocolate left and because I knew fine well that the gentleman who rang to book a 2pm appointment yesterday had no intention of confirming before I even put the phone down). The To Do list for tomorrow when normality finally returns is becoming longer by the minute – latest addition: Buy Ipod Dock For Bedroom (in addition to the daily stalwarts of Bank, Put Washing Away and Thaw Out Peas).

And so to the coming weeks – I will be resolutely in Scarborough (please note that as ever, ‘in Scarborough’ does not mean the same as ‘sitting around in underwear twenty four hours a day waiting to be summoned’), outcalls notwithstanding until the 26th and bar this coming Sunday available for the majority of them, although the last day is technically accounted for already as I will be packing my bags for my return to Scotland the following day, and soon after my first ever trip to Inverness! On the subject of Scotland, a message this week from the good folk at Scot-PEP:

‘It was confirmed to us at Scot-PEP last week, by one of the leading abolitionists, that the intention to press ahead with the criminalisation of the purchase and sale of sex will continue in the new Parliament. With Ms. Godman’s retiral, it is not clear who will take that job on. However, we were told that it will be someone experienced and that “it” (presumably the criminalisation) “should not be a problem”.

So… it won’t be a problem, yeah? We at Scot-PEP think differently, indeed we intend to make it as much of a problem as we possibly can, just as we did last year when they tried the same nonsense. However, in order to do so, we need your help. We are an entirely voluntary organisation, dependent on the energies and time of committed individuals.

The debate in the coming months will be about you, whether client or worker. It will be about your lifestyle and your means of support. We need you to help YOU prevail.’

To everyone reading, this DOES mean you – all of us. Even to those among us who have few or no connections with Scotland, it should come as no surprise that interested parties over the rest of the UK and their accolytes will be watching proceedings closely, and are unlikely to let any opportunity slip past for trying to force a similar bill through Westminster should the abolitionists north of the border succeed. Having worked recently in a country where we would all be criminalised purely by virtue of deciding to have sex with one another for reasons that others disapprove of, and experienced first hand the feelings of paranoia, vulnerability and sheer impracticality of operating under such ridiculous and restrictive legislation (and this is from my fortunate position; the likely effect on those less so is well discussed already) I can resolutely state that you really, REALLY wouldn’t want to have this happening here. Assuming it never will, however, is looking unlikely to be good enough this time.

Scot-PEP (Scottish Prostitutes Education Project) is a small, community based project which campaigns for sex workers rights and promotes health and dignity in prostitution. They are a registered charity and the main organisation challenging the proposals, and despite having their funding cut last year, they continue funded by public donations to work supporting sex workers in Scotland. They can be contacted at:

Anybody wanting information as to how they can help, join in or donate, please get in touch. More as it happens.

Before I do anything else, and bearing in mind I have an impromptu mad dash to That Sheffield tomorrow for a catch-up dalliance en route to my original destination of Coventry on Thursday (and have to pack!), I need to thank the people who have already sent Race For Life donations via Paypal since I put up my shiny new fundraising page on Sunday night – wow! Thank you all very much – nothing like getting off to a solid start (as I hope to do on the day itself, although I will admit to having less lofty aspersions for the finish).

A quick one this evening, since I have packing, fridge emptying (yay) and fish tidying to do, but there are still a couple of appointments left for Coventry on Friday and one on Thursday afternoon – I will be arriving bright-eyed and bushy tailed having picked up my original train at lunchtime in Sheffield rather than being forced growling from my warm duvet at the crack of dawn, so an energetic time is on the cards! Hopefully the beautiful weather will hold for the rest of the week, although since my hotel boasts not only a ‘fitness centre’ but also a spa and pool, such things are hardly crucial and provided that the sun emerges for my planned visit to Coventry’s cathedral on Saturday I will be a happy camper indeed.

The days since my return from That London have brought an exciting array of almost exclusively new callers for a change, armed with handmade chocolates, blush roses and last but not least, an array of multicoloured jellybeans in every conceivable flavour and most satisfyingly of all (at least for anyone with even the most embryonic of OCD tendencies) neatly sorted into little plastic pods. As I have learned this week from a website with running tips for beginners, the jelly baby is our new best friend – hopefully it’s petite and shiny-shelled cousin will prove to be likewise! The running has been going surprisingly well, particularly considering I spent the majority of the week before last either lying around my lovely hotel room watching TV or sitting in it eating cake, and the only real cardio activity I undertook in six days bar buying my wonderful shoes (above) was as a result of a broken escalator in Zara followed by a minor altercation in Topshop over a mock croc vanity case.

I will naturally be upping my training schedule for the three weeks left before the run itself on May 8th; once again all donations are gratefully received, although I don’t blame anybody for wanting to wait and see if I live to tell the tale first. Availability-wise, I will be around after my return for a good six weeks before heading off to Scotland, although a couple of cheeky overnight adventures spanning (nearly) the length and breadth of the land are in the offing and as ever, advance notice is the key as I have explained to several callers today (including one who asked if any ‘others’ were available ‘now’ – apparently I’m living in a knocking shop and I never even noticed) and if in doubt READ THE WEBSITE. Yes, the school holidays are back with a vengeance (and I thank God I don’t advertise an in-use number on Adultwork, or the last forty eight hours would more than likely have sent me heading for the roof).

Back in Scarborough on Monday! It’s a good job I’ve got a railcard, innit?

Having arrived comfortably and serenely (if not entirely according to plan) by National Express on Tuesday afternoon, my first port of call was the Travellodge (not being officially ‘on duty’ in my usual accommodation until Wednesday) and whilst this particular offshoot was modern, clean and completely inoffensive, the same could not unfortunately be said for the other occupants and after being woken up for the second time in one night by the sort of incidental-but-constant crashing about which resembles having halfbricks dropped on your head, I longed for the peaceful tranquility of my regular London pad, where my fellow guests at least belong to a demographic that wears clothes which one has to fasten.

I did get the opportunity beforehand to visit the Crossroads Women’s Centre in Kentish Town and was made very welcome – the centre is home to several grassroots women’s organisations and also a homeopathy clinic; it is the base of the English Collective of Prostitutes and I was delighted to meet both Niki Adams and Cari Mitchell, longtime campaigners for those among us who are often overlooked, misrepresented and dismissed by both wider society and the law. Anybody who (like me) enjoyed watching Niki make the improbably obnoxious Dennis McShane squirm on Newsnight (and if not, do have a look at the link below when you have the opportunity – warning, there is sound)

Sex Trafficking Lies – Newsnight 21st October 2009

would have looked forward to a meeting, and after tea and lots of positive conversation on sex worker safety, law and our lot in general (which I am ashamed to admit I was far too tired to participate in at any sort of useful level) I left, literature in hand to eat, answer emails and finally collapse until the aforementioned cast of Animal House came to life and well, buggered it up. I look forward to catching up with the Women’s Centre and the ECP next time (if they’ll have me) and hopefully offer a bit more constructive input, rather than the incoherent ramblings of one who is running on two hours sleep – the opportunity for me to meet other women is one that comes round all too rarely, after all!

Those who visited during my trip will be aware of the next surprise awaiting me on Wednesday morning – an unexpected hotel upgrade to an upper floor mini-suite so large, well-appointed and comfortable that I harboured secret fantasies about being forgotten by the management and hiding away there for another week. Naturally, I didn’t dare unpack anything for over an hour in case it was a mistake but nope – the room was very much mine; having made girly lunch arrangements for fetish-clothes-and-cake-shopping with Kinky La Rue there was no time to agonise about it, and following a brief minor emergency due entirely to my elderly work phone, lots of fun was had with a visit to the fabulous Honour store just round the corner (whose website I have long admired, and the shop is no less enthralling or pocket-draining), her latest baking-find Konditor and Cook for cakes to die for (the second slab did at least make it through to breakfast-time) and Yo Sushi (for gossip, New York talk and Japanese lunch to feel virtuous about). For those who may be keeping up from the Big Apple, Kinky will be arriving very soon…   (and that’s really enough with the links, especially since it isn’t really fair on the Adultwork readers).

The remainder of the week has seen me entertain no small number of enthusiastic gentlemen, finally purchase my much-needed (Brooks) running shoes and discovering in the process that (as predicted) I have the flattest feet in the world, which makes me an Over Pronator (as diagnosed by the very helpful lady who sent me jogging up and down outside Greggs in order to properly assess my gait). I have also looked at the James Watt Workshop, goggled mesmerised at the huge steam engines and generally enjoyed the lengths and breadths of the Science Museum, dashed happily about the Oxford Circus Topshop (and wound up purchasing in Zara, another personal high street favourite on the We-Don’t-Have-That-In-Scarborough list) and not forgetting the ample time spent relaxing around my lovely hotel room in my oversized dressing gown, watching Mock The Week repeats on Dave with one eye and reading undemanding fiction on my faithful Kindle with the other. It’s a hard life, right enough.

To this week and a bit of a rest! I will be available on and off, but intend to take advantage of the chance to catch up on household and administrative stuff prior to my Coventry trip next week – enquiries for this are beginning to pile in and anybody wishing to book, please do get in touch as soon as you can to avoid disappointment, especially since I’ll be gone before you know it! As per usual, no same day bookings will be forthcoming, but anybody wishing to see me before I head off to the Midlands will surely find a way (and for everybody else, I’ll be back on Monday the 18th).

More news on Scotland soon – plus Race for Life info! Until next time…

The joys had, of course, to be tempered by something and this turned out to be the arrival of not only a shiny new 2011 council tax bill, but also my gas statement for the last six months – how quickly we forget the weeks spent cowering indoors, hermit-like from the Siberian conditions outside! A brief sit-down and a mug of sweet tea was necessary, followed by a telephone conversation with the delightful people at Southern Energy who confirmed that they had been fielding calls for days from others who (like myself) just blithely turned the boiler up and kept it there from pretty much November onwards; others who (unlike myself) at least still have the traditional option of going ‘on the game’ to meet any temporary cashflow crisis. Obviously this idea has limited usefulness to me as a fallback, and I can only be thankful that I like jacket potatoes very much, and that my pre-Christmas hoarding of useful supplies (coffee, tea and toilet rolls, ginger snaps and those tinned baked beans with the little sausages in) has by no means run out.

Fortunately for me, flexible arrangements were made and coincidentally the next day followed up with my finally tracking down the only remaining pair of Ravel’s black Size 4 ‘Faye’ patent platforms in the land (or seemingly so, as my quest to obtain a pair has now been dragging on for months) on Amazon, of all places, so I could happily purchase these (above) with a clear conscience (and a slightly cooler apartment). The darker days have gone (fingers crossed), the taxman is pacified for another few months, the annual ISA race is run (and finished!) and I am approaching the coming months with the new enthusiasm that a bit of sunshine brings. I may even get some serious decorating done at last; yes, the hallway is still decidedly ‘derelict chic’, but many of the other bits are slowly progressing and the rapid upturn in phone calls and email enquiries for the next few weeks is encouragement indeed!

To London, and my very favourite shiny-shiny hotel, which has thankfully been overlooked so far by a spectacularly hard-of-thinking prossie, whom – touring lady readers beware – has taken it upon herself to ‘help’ others by publicly listing named hotels suitable for entertaining from on her blog (no prizes for guessing the site); this was brought to my attention earlier today and frankly you couldn’t make it up (needless to say, the only people she is ‘helping’ are the eagerly reading hotel managers). Anyway, my availability is dwindling seriously now, although there are some scattered appointments left and as some have happily found before I am always happy to try and wrangle last-minute slots wherever possible – so flexible types, it’s probably your last chance!

My plans for this week were altered somewhat (apart from the need to go shoe shopping for the second time in a week, but at the specialist running shop) by the joyous news of a new James Watt exhibit at the Science museum where the man himself’s very workshp has been reconstructed, and I shall certainly be visiting this (and no doubt boring anyone who’ll listen to death with it) during my stay. Regular readers will already be aware of my anorak-dom when it comes to matters of engineering, transport and the like and coupled with plans to catch up with some of my favourite ladies and try a new Lebanese restaurant I discovered by accident (thank you again Just-Eat), I am looking forward to a lively week after the comparative tranquility of home since my return from New York.

I have also planned my next trip to Scotland, and am pleased to announce I will be visiting not just Edinburgh as usual but also Inverness, and since the hotel and train costs were a steal I will be looking forward to plenty of peaceful me-time for exploring the beautiful surroundings, monster hunting, haggis-wrangling and hopefully encountering a few of the Highland cows I sadly missed on my last trip north of the capital. Any helpful local info will be gratefully received – I am not yet taking appointments since the trip is two months away yet, but intrepid Highlanders are very welcome to get in touch with enquiries/tips/suggestions! I will be in Edinburgh first from Friday 27th – Sunday 29th of May, and after the baking heat and blazing sunshine of last year’s late-spring visit I intend to be far better prepared (whereupon naturally, it will piss down and blow a hurricane all week).

My travels will nicely follow the departure of Trish Godman, MSP for West Renfrewshire; those north of the border may have recently seen Ms Godman has published her ‘findings’ following the latest tediously predictable attempt to outlaw paid sex between consenting adults (and also including banning it’s advertising, as in Ireland where obviously prostitution does not now exist). Early interpretations and a statement from the Journal of the Law Society of Scotland (which has been plastered over so much online space already we really do not need to see it again here) would suggest that once again she (or more accurately her successor) will have shot themselves in the foot, this time via the suggestions that prostitutes be criminalised as well as punters (and newspapers, hotels, and the internet – the polis will be busy) in the name of Gender-Neutrality and Fairness – ironic, since denying adults such a basic free choice as whom they may have sex with and why probably isn’t the first thing most people would nominate as ‘fair’. That you packed yet, Trish?

Back to the present, and apologies to those who have been trying to contact me by telephone over the weekend – I have stepped up my training for the Race for Life somewhat and barely been near the apartment (this obviously does not apply to Adultwork readers, for whom the email system is obligatory rather than just a clearly expressed preference). Those who know me will be astounded to learn that I have not only run the 5k four times now (admittedly with walk breaks) but raised seventy pounds in sponsorship already without even trying! Long may the trend continue, and there will be a special offer the week of the run itself to celebrate – watch this space…

Time for packing, pampering and preparation! Back in Scarborough from Monday 4th…

I have only ever passed through the city once before on my way to the airport; having noticed the super-cheap special offers newly available from our budget airlines, and shortly afterwards been beside myself with excitement to have obtained return flight tickets to Paris Orly for approximately two quid each I was soon to find that the only way to actually utilise these as anything other than bookmarks was via the most expensive, time-consuming and devilishly complicated way possible to travel to the point of departure (although several years on, I suspect there is no other way). As a result, I  spent virtually an entire day sitting on coaches, trains and buses, rushing for connections including (memorably) dragging a large and heavy suitcase up two flights of out-of-order escalator at Birmingham New Street, and finally arriving at Coventry Airport giddy, starving and exhausted in the pouring rain, only to find a spectacularly charmless set up which made Leeds Bradford look like JFK.

However, an hour or so later and bolstered by the finest full English I have ever eaten at an airport (the worst was at Southampton where the menu, careful to avoid any use of the terms ‘grilled’ or ‘fried’ in order to avoid falling foul of the Trades Descriptions Act, boasted an offering costing slightly under ten pounds and comprising, well, best not to think about it; lets just say upon wondering why I had mashed potato, it turned out I didn’t – that was the scrambled egg) I had warmed to Coventry a great deal. After buying a paper, sweeties and a rectangular handbag pack of tissues at the adjoining airport shop (same counter as the breakfast) I took up a contented residence in the central portakabin waiting area to await boarding and by the time of my return a few days later, the place was almost welcoming …and then of course I had to start the Tourettes-inducing main journey all over again, in reverse.

Anyway, nostalgia time over with – I will be staying at a central hotel, and whilst nothing is cast in stone, I am looking forward to my trip and promise to post proper advertisements nearer to the time. Back home in Scarborough, I have had a surprising steady week for the time of year, helped along no doubt by the tentative Spring sunshine (plus my absence the previous week probably didn’t hurt). Preparations for my New York trip are now seriously underway, and the usual peace and quiet of half term week is to be spent finalising these, although a limited number of appointments will be available for those who wish to see me before I go especially bearing in mind that every time I plan a week off I wind up bored and grumbly by the Wednesday lunchtime. I am also tentatively planning my next Edinburgh visit, more than likely in May and possibly by way of Inverness – watch this space…

The coming week is shaping up nicely, and I am looking forward to a long awaited catch-up with a favourite visitor on Sunday tea-time (tea and cake included) as well as welcoming some ever-keen newbies. There is still some availability left Monday – Thursday before my mini-break,  so don’t miss your last chance to visit before the globetrotting starts!

I returned home to Scarborough and my warm apartment, happy fishes and newly opened local chip shop (and about time too) last night with sleepy eyes and tired limbs (and still-tender ladybits) but also a refreshed and invigorated demeanour thanks to not only the ever-fabulous punters of the town, but the fortunate opportunity to catch up with a good friend over superior pakoras, chana chaat and a celestial biryani at Kebab Mahal (plus a few pints after), a visit to the National Gallery and an unexpected lunch with a friendly new gentleman, where much was discussed including the Criminal Justice system, the lack of availability of Pizza Crunch (exactly what you think it is) in the fish shops of the rest of the UK and the relative merits of new music radio post-Peel. All in all, an entirely successful enterprise in all senses of the word (and so was Glasgow in all senses bar one) and a very enjoyable week. It is unlikely that I will be back in Scotland much before the Spring, but I am planning a jaunt the length of most of the East side, since apparently the gentlemen of Inverness and Aberdeen have been feeling a bit left out. Sorry!

Longer standing readers may remember my dealings with the Scottish Justice Committee a few months ago here, and as mentioned in my last post the developments around the country as regards the paid sex ‘scene’ have been undergoing a worrying precedent for some time; less so in Edinburgh for now (although rumour has it that the shenanigans in Glasgow may be expanding cross-country) but the police harrassment of individual ladies touring in Aberdeen last April/May, plus odd goings on in Dundee, Inverness and others has led me to ponder the reasons, and whether the same breathless determination by the Scottish authorities to ‘improve’ society applies to other aspects of lifestyle choice and personal freedom which most would consider to be nobody else’s business; diet, alcohol consumption, smoking and the like.

I wonder, because a commonly-shared character trait in many of the Scottish gentlemen (and ladies) I meet both here and in situ, seems to be the strong belief in standing up and fighting against the erosion of their civil liberties and often a willingness to stick one’s head above the parapet to do so. Since their English counterparts can often be well, decidedly apathetic by comparison, I can only imagine that this stems from centuries of being told what to do by a Government hundreds of miles away in a different country, but it is a definite recurring theme and one that, being not only Edinburgh born but a bit of an awkward non-conformist myself on the quiet, I like and admire very much. I also rather like kilts, Pizza Crunch and the huge variety of lovely Scottish accents.

Back to the coming week, and I will be about until Thursday afternoon although availability is not what it might be; I have Other Business to attend to as well as afore-promised new pictures and some embarrassingly disorganised month-behind accounts. However I will be back from Manchester on Friday evening and promise to be mostly available for the whole of the next week before my Jersey trip. Appointments only, and anyone not cursed with a pathological fear of suitcases (since mine is on virtually permanent display in the living room) is welcome to get in touch!