The home improvements continue apace, with the lousy weather resulting in my throwing myself into all things domestic with particular zeal and returning visitors will notice a few differences! And as some have already noticed, the differences are not confined to my increasingly gracious surroundings – to those who have not visited recently, I have carefully considered all the relevant information, taken advice from my local healthcare providers and made important amendments to my Services advertising – in a nutshell, I will no longer be offering oral without protection.

The industry in which I am proud to work and the job I love are changing like all others; this is unavoidable and in a lot of ways welcome. The internet has revolutionised both our ways of running, marketing and protecting our businesses and made the easy accessing of information (and best of all, pictures!) a Godsend to our clients. Ladies and gents can find each other in all corners of the country, even the world, and through chat rooms, forums and message boards both parties in the punting experience can swap information, stories, tips and link up with others to help assure our safety (and occasionally, our sanity).

Advertising has never been so cheap and simple to arrange; literally anyone can, even without a website, stick a free profile up on a site like Adultwork and give it a go, often with little or no idea of what the work involves beyond opening one’s legs, mouth or both. Scant regard is paid to safety and security as increasingly desperate, completely naive, and occasionally just plain greedy and stupid would-be prossies pop up, it seems, in every corner – this coupled with recent information from the lovely ladies at the local GUM regarding the truly jaw-dropping rates at which STDs are spreading, both locally and across the country, has led me to this decision which I have struggled with for weeks, if not months. I have no wish to bang on about it further here, but suffice to say, if this means that some of us will not be meeting again then so be it, and conversely, to those who may have been slightly put off before at the thought of a snog before – welcome!

Comments and questions are welcome. I am not silly enough to think that if I continue as was, I am suddenly to be afflicted with every revolting pharyngeal complaint known to man, and I am certainly not going to get sanctimonious (in the manner of ex-smokers, for example) about the choices made by others – as far as I am concerned, if a lady decides to offer unprotected intercourse in every possible orifice to all comers for free, that is nobody’s business but her own; she is breaking no laws and her customers are equally free to avail themselves of her service. There are plenty of people out there who consider all of us to be dirty, stupid, irresponsible and generally unpleasant purely by virtue of what we do for a living and I have no intention of joining their ranks.

That said, I do not expect my decision to be questioned – I will be honouring existing bookings out of fairness, but that is all. Fortunately, the gentlemen I meet (by and large) are respectful, intelligent adults who wish me to be comfortable with the activities we are sharing, but if oral without is a dealbreaker – please go elsewhere. It benefits neither of us for you to book my time, arrive and pay, spend fifteen minutes trying to talk me into making exceptions and another two minutes being asked to leave. Alternatively, I’m bloody good at massage, handjobs and have a cracking pair of boobs; use your imagination! Or ask me to – I have enough for both of us…

I will be in That London briefly at the start of next week for a ladies’ meeting, possibly my ride on the London Eye (my London visit in December is filling up so quickly that I am unlikely to have time) and a much-anticipated trip to see the Anish Kapoor exhibition at the Royal Academy; in other words, a wholly self indulgent and relaxing  Sunday/Monday when my phone is unlikely to be answered, if even switched on. Please do email with enquiries – for all it’s outwardly unfashionable and cumbersome appearance, my PDA will be looked at far more often.

Will report back soon! Incidentally, apologies for repeating the photo above, but it is six months now since I bought my lovely camera (the day before that particular one was taken), and by way of celebration I am planning some more over the next couple of weeks. Suggestions welcome and watch this space!

I have also had the opportunity to visit and view my lovely new apartment again – the urge to purchase en masse is kicking in with a vengeance and I have seen plenty of exquisite and impractically beautiful items to delight both myself and my visitors, although from a practical point of view, apart from hovering buzzard-like over a beautiful chandelier on Ebay and halfheartedly gathering some wallpaper samples and paint-colour booklets I seem to lack the motivation to do anything really useful, especially being STILL without a moving date. Perhaps adopting the uniform of T-shirt, trainers & tracksuit bottoms (de rigeur in the local superstores and DIY places; face like a smacked a**e optional, although from what I have seen, a popular accessory) would help me get into the spirit of things. The current kitchen especially is horrendous and is my first priority after my visiting areas – I can’t possibly eat out every night of the week! I have so far seen a sink I quite like and got no further; fortunately a gentleman friend who is extremely knowledgable about such things has been particularly gallant in his offers of help and assistance, and in fact has made many interesting suggestions which I am looking forward to exploring further (time and occasion permitting).

My worries about the moving of large items of furniture have also been somewhat allayed by the discovery of a large trap-door leading to the basement suite where I will be conducting my meetings - an exciting find indeed! Although fit (and very energetic) I am not particularly strong and the thought of trying to convey a kingsize bed and mattress down a spiral staircase was playing on my mind somewhat; now I find, as with so many situations, a firm grip and strong length of rope is likely to solve most problems. This afternoon I will be bagging up unwanted items for the charity shop – I am being as ruthless as possible, although some of my livelier garments will probably not be appreciated by the lovely ladies at MIND as much as others – these unfortunately will have to be binned unless anyone else would like them (do let me know!) As regards the move itself I have decided that instead of niggling about slowness and lack of progression, I ought really to be appreciating the chance to stop and take a breather before all the real action starts, as is so often necessary (especially during the warmer months). When I do eventually have a date, I promise you will be the first to know; after all, someone has to be my first houseguest!