etiquette: the rules

Payment must in made in cash only (UK sterling) at the start of our appointment. I will check the amount in your presence; please don’t take offence - you may have given me too much! Try to make sure you have the correct amount ready; a trip to the cashpoint will really eat into our time together, and we don’t want to waste it, do we?

NO CASH, NO HOOLA-HOOLA - IT’s THAT SIMPLE!

I will always meet you clean, fresh and well-groomed and expect the same from you. If you have just come from a hard day at the office and not had time to shower, please say so - I will be more than happy to join you! (and clean teeth please, really there is nothing worse). I generally dress nicely but conservatively; do let me know if something more casual would be appropriate. Also, for reasons of discretion I do not ordinarily wear perfume, scented deodorants or any more than the lightest of makeup; please do tell me if you particularly like fragrance, lipstick and so on.

If you have any special requests regarding attire, however insignificant they may seem, please tell me - I buy new items regularly and can usually accommodate you. Please note that I do not have cupboards full of cheap nasty 'hooker gear' - if tacky mini skirts, low cut tops and see-through blouses are your bag, you're probably on the wrong website. The neighbours are more likely to think I’m a bailiff (it’s up to you which you think is worse).

If, for whatever reason, you are unable to honour our appointment please let me know in good time, particularly if I am travelling to see you. Please be on time if possible (not early or late) and do keep me posted if you are a little behind schedule - I do not book appointments close together, but if I have waited for more than fifteen minutes and not heard from you I will count it as a no-show and your number will be blacklisted. In addition, if during the first ten minutes of our meeting you decide that we are not suitable for each other and do not wish to continue, please don’t be afraid to say so - I will refund your money minus a £50 fee to cover my wasted time and any travel costs. I feel that the photographs and information contained on this site and my blog provide an ample guide to myself and my services and I cannot be held responsible for you not looking before you book!

If AT ANY POINT during our appointment you appear to be drunk, intoxicated or behave in a violent, aggressive or threatening manner towards me I will terminate the booking immediately - you will have forfeited your right to either my company or a refund. There are plenty of ways we can both behave badly which are much more fun.

Above all, I expect to be treated with courtesy and respect at all times, and please rest assured that I will do likewise.