Hello dear friend from Burkina Faso…

By amy ~ June 24th, 2010 @ 4:30 pm

To Manchester once again, and almost foiled by the ever-fickle nature of that strange and unpredictable beast, the Adultwork ‘service seeker’; three enthusiastic-sounding bookings followed by three cancellations, although at least two of these took the trouble to let me know and the third was efficiently weeded out by my strict ‘confirm before ten’ policy. Experience has taught me to expect this more often than not, and I fortunately had no trouble rustling up some eager waifs and happy strays from my ever-present stand by list to share a little of my company and more than a little of the sushi box, cocktail sausage and sticky bun combination I optimistically purchased from the Simply Food on the station concourse in the hope that it would render me immune to the temptations of the twenty-four hour room service menu later on (it didn’t).

It may interest some to know that the aforementioned site began a new, albeit voluntary ‘scheme’ on Monday 21st June with the apparent intention (under the predictable guise of protecting the underaged, amongst other things) of gathering enough personal information from those advertising to clone their identities in five minutes flat, in return for the dubious honour of attaining ‘Verified’ status on their tawdry directory. I cannot imagine that many responsible adults would be falling over themselves to furnish an unregistered offshore company with no legal obligations whatsoever (in terms of having to comply with any niggly UK company and Data Protection legislation) with copies of their passport, in addition to their address and bank details (for those who use the credits system), but I most certainly will not be doing so – if my well-earned reputation, all positive feedback and reviews on other, credible sites is not enough for them then they are welcome to remove me from their database along with all the others blessed with the common-sense gene. It doesn’t take a genius to work out what kind of delights will be left.*

Given that the amount of genuine business I receive via the ‘other site’ is sporadic at best, in the event of this shameful crock becoming compulsory I am certainly in a better position then some and after today’s farcical carryings-on, I remember why. The good folk, God love ‘em, who actually take the time to carefully read and digest my proper site (including even the most self indulgent of rants and excitable babblings published over here) more than make up for the small percentage of crass, witless numpties and after all, I know from other ladies that I suffer these far less than many. They can do their thing (if exchanging grainy mobile phone pictures of one’s genitals can be legitimately described as a ‘thing’) and we’ll get on with doing ours, which is after all not that different, just with better spelling and regular changes of linen. I’ll even throw in a virtually cast-iron opportunity to extend, since the next visitor is far more likely to be arriving twenty-four hours after you than twenty-four minutes.

So (eventually) plenty of fun and games was had by all in this surprisingly fabulous hotel, whose improbably huge and luxurious guest rooms (Bose ipod dock, anybody?) and superb location belied its Travellodge-esque nightly rate which I confess had prompted slight misgivings, despite a word of mouth recommendation from a lovely lady I know whose home I have never visited but I imagine is equally nicely appointed and probably smells of apples, new carpets and Pledge. The accommodation and all its facilities were a triumph and I left for my Other Business this morning relaxed and fighting fight, the sheer luxury of air conditioning being the highlight following my four day impromptu saunathon in Pimlico only two weeks ago. And so to here, my familiar corner on the train, but since we will be negiotiating the Pennines very soon and the signal will disappear completely I will fill in the gaps (particularly regarding Other Business) next time.

Lastly though, and worthy of a separate mention is the other supposed ‘perk’ of complying with Adultwork’s ridiculous request; the hitherto-forbidden grubby opportunity for advertisers to comb through the profile pages of those SEEKING services in their locale with a view to sending intrusive, tacky and most importantly, unsolicited communication. This may appeal to the resident desperados, but is unlikely to do much for their unsuspecting targets given that their details (including information revealing if and when they have paid to view private galleries, and any field reports they have written) until Monday were rightly kept private and not available for public scrutiny – to any gentlemen who would understandably prefer they remained that way it is possible to opt out, and I would strongly recommend that you do. What will they think of next? Can’t wait.

* To the hard-of-thinking who are excitedly orchestrating the virtually limitless spamming opportunities now open to them following their Adultwork verification, I happen to have $10 million offshore which I can’t bank myself in the UK because of tax liability, but I reckon if we split it between a few of us I can see that you all get a good cut if you’d just be good enough to send me your bank details…..

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