picture perfect

By amy ~ September 30th, 2008 @ 4:25 pm

Heartfelt apologies for the tardiness of my latest update, but I have been so snowed under with exciting things to do and charming people to meet that I have unfortunately had to neglect my faithful readers somewhat. I promise sincerely that it will not happen again and that any of you are welcome to visit and administer any gentle punishment you feel to be appropriate (availability permitting, obviously).

I have had a very pleasant time in London, and am happy to report that my much-anticipated artwork has arrived home unscathed, although anyone who feels they may enjoy the challenge presented by conveying a two-and-a-half-foot entomologists case between London and Scarborough on public transport would be well advised to think again. Fortunately I seated myself next to a very handsome gentleman who was only too happy to offer his kind support upon my disembarkation at York, and was touchingly gentle with my poor red suitcase (which you will not be surprised to hear, is lately looking decidedly sorry for itself).

I have spent today preparing for tomorrows descent of photographer’s studio, and am hoping that my large, gracious and relatively empty living room will be an ideal setting for all manner of posing, flashing and hopefully some very kind lighting. My outfits are carefully bagged with accompanying shoes and accessories, my hair has been properly shampooed, cut and blow-dried (and rather enjoyably tousled again by a particularly enthusiastic caller shortly afterwards – nothing that can’t be fixed) and I am hopefully ready for my close-up! Suggestions and requests have been welcomed and noted – the rest I have made up as I go along (with a little help from my friends – the fabulous shiny gloves I have borrowed look just as good on the lovely Alexandra, without whom my stay in London would have nowhere near as much fun, and probably entirely without curry).

I ought to apologise also to the many patient callers who are trying to make arrangements to meet me – normal service should be resumed by next week once the payday millionaires amongst us have got through the coming weekend. I’m afraid that I have been booked for the entire week (including photos) for the best part of a fortnight which is unusual even for me; I have enjoyed a couple of more brief and spontaneous liaisons but I am very strict about reserving these for those gentlemen I have encountered before, who have already witnessed my usual groomed and poised appearance (and who are therefore in a better position to appreciate my ‘off-duty’ Winehouse hair and Joe 90 glasses as an endearing lack of vanity, rather than evidence of the Dairylea-eating, Hollyoaks-watching sloth I have been known to become in my rare moments of leisure). It should go without saying that this is, of  course, a fabrication and naturally I am perfectly groomed and attired at all times of the day and night – at least this apparently is the collective belief of the increasing number of callers who are telephoning me between the hours of midnight and 6 am – twenty to four seems to be a particularly popular time, although today’s enthusiastic protagonist managed to hold off until ten to five.

Please note – anyone who calls at silly o’clock will have their number blacklisted and from then on their calls will never be answered. Whilst I realise that not everyone has the time or the inclination to read every word of text on my website, a basic grasp of social graces should imbue most sane adults with the knowledge that it is not acceptable to telephone a complete stranger in the middle of the night for ANY reason. Believe it or not, the word ‘prostitute’ is not synonymous with the word ‘insomniac’, and surely you would prefer to meet me in a suitably rested and energised state? I would, anyway – the red eyes and constant yawning reminiscent of an elderly bloodhound is really not my preferred style and it is extremely unfair of you to inflict it on others. Please, before you dial, look at the clock!

For the rest of my loyal, sensible and patient readers – stand by for the new pics! Beauty sleep time for me.

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1 Response to picture perfect

  1. Jon

    Great new apartment ! Fantastic to see you again x Hope it’s not too long before next visit

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